Much ink has been spilled over neglected children. But now the trend is coddled child.In fact it has become the norm of middle class and upper middle class families. Andrea J Buchanan, the author of “‘Mother Shock: Loving Every (Other) Minute of It” says the problem of over parenting starts even before the baby arrives. The notion that mother should control all aspects of child rearing from conception to the child’s post doc work has become popular in the last decades. We are now made to believe that being a parent is not enough but one has to be a super – parent to raise a child and parenting is a complicated one. The more we make it complicated the more we are uncertain and when we are uncertain, it leads to anxiety. When your good intentions go too far, it can cause suffering.
How does it go bad when our intentions are good?
It is very true that unconditional love and a secured feeling is undoubtedly the best gift that we could gift our children, but it is no less true that if a child is made to believe that it cannot survive without the parents, it will have negative results. When we do not let the kid to be an ‘individual’ we are clearly sending a message that they are incapable of decision making without their parents. Research says that the over parented kids are at higher risk for anxiety disorders and depression.
Mistakes are child’s great teachers
We cannot deny that parenting can be anxiety- free. But the truth is that children are by nature problem solvers. Children like to explore and take time for open ended, unstructured activities where they take the lead. It is very important to let the children experience frustration, failure and the benefits. Instead of dreading hurt and failures, make it clear to your children that it is an opportunity to get ready for childhood. Allow your child to make own decisions and live a happy and vibrant life.
Hold your child to account
Do you hold yourself to blame for your child’s activities? Then you are definitely overparenting. Check your child if she/he is on track and help them to achieve the basic skills and to find out their own solutions. It is very essential to distinguish the difference between directing and helping. Find out from what they think is the best solution instead of suggesting the solution.
It is important to understand that not all overparenting parents are fanatics, they are just uncertain about what to do.Over parenting does not equalise with over caring, instead it denotes our anxiety. Kids have to be for themselves, though a bitter truth, seeing it in a long term perspective is always the best medicine.